More often than not, I listen to music while I hike. Not only does it serve the purpose of getting me up a mountain covered in dog shit, it shows fellow hikers that I am preoccupied with my tunes and to please not bother me. What protects me from unsolicited, inane conversations and bad pickup lines are just two little white ear buds. Steve Jobs is a genius.
On a few occasions, I’ve forgotten these hiker’s must-haves at home, leaving me pondering in my car as to whether I could possibly make the trek without the assistance of Ashley Simpson or Justin Timberlake blaring into my cerebral cortex. After deciding that only neurotics think like this, I’d force myself out of my car and into the silence of nature: the deafening footsteps of man and beast, the sharp chirping of birds, the soft brakes of BMWs passing. I entered into a world devoid of technology, one I remembered from my childhood.
Not only was I able to better reconvene with nature, I was also open to conversations that I had never been able to hear over Sexy Back and Smack My Bitch Up. In the three seconds it took to pass by other human beings breathlessly communicating with one another, I was given a movie trailer clip into their world. And what a delightfully strange world Los Angeles is.
Here is today’s – As Heard on Runyan…
Today’s Hiking Conditions
Time: 9:25 AM
Temp: 70 degrees
Skyscape: A cloudy and ice blue haze
Dog Shit to Piss Ratio: Strangely, I’d have to say today was in favor of “piss.”
1. Group of three teenage girls walking behind me, all of whom seem to know what a “script supervisor” is.
2. Two beefy muscle builders pass a Great Dane. Their deep voices make me think they are practicing for a stage version of Rocky.
Meathead 1: Uhhh, that’s way too big.
Meathead 2: Yeah, uhhh, like a giant…like a Marmaduke.
3. Girl and her uber gay bestie talking about something unheard of. Affected response: “Like, I can’t [deliberate pause] believe it.” Me neither, bestie.
4. Today there was a proliferation of giant men walking tiny, fluffy dogs. I’m going out on a limb here and assuming that these giant men obviously had male partners waiting for them at home cooking banana flambe for brunch. What is this, Comedy Central?