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W Seeking M

Female seeks temporary male companion, hopefully on a rebound and/or in possession of a definitive mean streak that kicks in after I have fallen in love with you.  Don’t worry; it doesn’t take too long for this pathetic babe!  No matter how flawed you might be, I will ignore it until it’s too late!

It would be great if you had a decent job, but more fun if you didn’t.  Frankly, I’m sick of men paying for my dinner all the time.  I would also prefer someone with NO (read that – ZERO) mutual friends that would ordinarily be useful in providing me with a proper background check.  I don’t need my friends to weed out the crazies for me anymore, thank you very much.  This will also be convenient for the both of us at the end, when you inevitably take my heart and trample it like a Cambodian stampede (too soon?).  After all, I want you to ruin my life but not forever.  The psychological scars that remain are usually enough; I don’t need to be bumping into you in the flesh forever!

Drug abuse and alcoholism are welcome and encouraged.

Insomnia might be fun.

Please NEVER respond to my text messages, phone calls, emails, or other forms of communication within a reasonable time.

Looking for someone that can effectively alternate between cold and aloof to bizarrely affectionate.

I’ve never dealt with “Mommy Issues” but would be willing to try in exchange for your dealing of my Daddy ones.

BREAK MY HEART!  THIS OFFER WON’T LAST!

Oh, it would be great if you were already sleeping with someone on the side, that way after you dump me, you can have a smooth transition back into your life as a single man.  Dear God, don’t let me hold you back from anything!  I am just a stepping-stone on your way to better things and bigger boobs!  Far be it from me to begrudge a man access to the plethora of p***y at his disposal.  I might be uptight on occasion but I am not a killjoy.

Sincerely,

Desperate for Writing Material

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