Let’s be honest – being a hipster is expensive. At the end of the year, we’re all broke after 300 some-odd days trying to be so cool. So, in an effort to start off the next year still looking fly without having to break the bank, here’s a list of things to ask for other people to get you. All of course in keeping with your hella hipster taste. There’s no reason to feel bad, especially if you’re asking family members. Likely, they don’t live in New York City and have way more disposable income to spend on you.
It doesn’t matter that you can’t surf; you’ll learn eventually. You can keep it in the shared living room of your loft space next to your roommate’s shitty art until it’s warm enough outside to drive out to Montauk and bum a room from your rich friend who rents a house each summer. Even though you didn’t want to live the life of a suit, it’s important to befriend the suits – they’re the ones with the cash.
A terrific option for boys and girls alike. In 2011 we see animal prints going an entirely new direction. Along with eyeliner, the reintroduction of hair gel, and Britney Spears. Plaid might soon be falling to the wayside! Okay, maybe not, but a change is surely afoot. Hipster has become too accessible and mainstream. Gentlemen, if you’re not feeling adventurous enough to delve into these territories unknown, feel free to ask for a light blue denim button-up or the aforementioned plaid if – for whatever strange reason – you didn’t receive one in the last two years.
Mast Brother’s Chocolate
Nothing less will do. We love the Fleur de Sel because it sounds fancy and worldly when you say that you have some back at home. Bitches love fancy boys.
The Art of Shaving Shave Kit
For when spring comes and you have to get rid of that grizzly beard you’ve been working on for the last four months with a clean shave. Sad, we know. The world weeps with you.
“Super Sad True Love Story: A Novel” by Gary Shteyngart
Look hip and educated while riding the subway. You don’t have to read it, just do some YouTube research or something.
Just because we look like we don’t take showers, doesn’t mean that we buy our grooming products at Rite Aid. Suave is for ten year old boys and poor people. The latter being a demographic we still probably fall under, but that’s what credit cards are for: smelling good and looking fresh now…and paying for it later. We fucking love America!
The No-Brush Hairbrush
Keep those stray hairs fashionably astray, but not I-just-got-out-of-the-psych-ward astray.
Brass Knuckle Jewelry
Ladies, not only will you look tre chic as you walk down SoHo, but this will keep you tre safe while walking home at 4 a.m. though Bushwick because you can’t afford a cab.
A Whole Lot of Four Loko
Because they’re taking this shit off the shelves and it’s the only thing that makes Don Hills a tolerable venture.
Deer are feeling a little played out, as of late. Maybe suggest something like a wild boar, an antelope (if your apartment can accommodate such a beast, in which case, you’re the man), or a mouse (doesn’t make you any less of a man, don’t worry). These are just suggestions; get creative!
We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Keep it cool, kids. Keep it mad cool.