The Lobbyist: The NoMad

Nomad-Hotel-Facade-510x432 The Lobbyist is a division of JBLY that specifically handles reviews of hotel lobbies and hotel bars.  If you’ve got a good suggestion (or, preferably, a bad one) for a place I should visit, please send me an email at jennyblovesyoudaily@gmail.com.

Sink into the velvety luxury of an art deco sofa while you soak up the chilled out vibes purring from the stereo. Is that Radiohead? Evan Voytas? Foals? I have no idea, but it’s chill. Yes, in the black and gold womb of the NoMad’s boudoir-inspired lobby, you’ll feel your cares slip away, instantly forgetting that guy who didn’t call you back last week, that $2,500 dental bill, or the fact you’ve made the journey to pseudo-gentrifying buttfuck Flatiron, where, just hours ago, men were slanging jugs of body oil and fake gold chains the size of nautical ropes. “Shhhh,” the NoMad whispers. “None of that matters anymore.”

It’s true; it doesn’t. Let this sexy beast pillow talk the shit out of you. It has all the slinky vibes of Paris’ Hotel Costes, minus all that fashion week BS and the whole oui oui oui Grey Poupon French-y thing. Unless of course, that’s your jam, which is completely acceptable. I like inhaling secondhand smoke and not eating 30 euro salads just as much as the next supermodel.

WHEN:

Because I’m incapable of reading text messages intelligently, I found myself sitting in the lobby waiting for a friend who I had – quite incorrectly – assumed to be staying there. Nevertheless, it was the perfect opportunity for a Lobbyist, given that this joint is too expensive and dignified for the Brooklyn skeeze I run with.

WEAR:

Despite the clienteles’’ collective tax bracket, the fashion left a little to be desired. There was the lady with the $2,200 Goyard tote and the New Balances (rich people casual). Then came the Tory Burch outfit (for the WASP in your life who’s just, ugh, bored of Lilly Pulitzer). The shining beacon of hope, however, was the group of men in black and white, sporting bowties and good manners.

Negative points go to the 65-year-old man who checked me out like he had a chance, though, in truth, I myself was wearing the leather mini-dress I sported three years ago with ripped tights, smeared lipstick, and leaves smashed into my hair when I dressed like a [insert something completely offensive here] for Halloween. So, that said, considering the circumstances, he likely thought I was 1) a prostitute, 2) a sexy foreign exchange student from Holland, 3) all of the above. Lurking is to be expected.

SEEN:

Older men with age-appropriate wives, French people, a good-looking employee with shaggy hair (likely a resident of Brooklyn).

HEARD:

“Dad, what’s your color acuity?”

“Well, Sally, what do you mean? Hue? Saturation? Brightness?”

This is the type of learned downtown conversation I never had growing up. My parents could give two shits about color acuity; it was all, “Hey, get good grades and play sports so you can go to college. I don’t care if you’re color blind.”

EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY OR WHATEVER

The NoMad – the restaurant adjacent the lobby, in particular — attracts that rich and successful 40+ crowd who doesn’t mind journeying towards middle-Manhattan for $8 radish snacks. If you’re feeling flush, there’s also the $78 whole roasted chicken for two, which comes with fancy things like foie gras, black truffle, and brioche. For those of you who have had the $7 chicken from Costco and call bullshit, there are hundreds of five-star reviews on this dish on Yelp.. So there. Being rich really does taste better.

THE LOBBYIST RATING: 5/5 KATE MOSSES

True, the Flatiron District is this weird, ambiguous No Man’s Land, but you know what? So was Soho… and Tribeca… and Williamsburg. And you know what happened to those places? They got real expensive and filled up with douche bags. The Flatiron isn’t like that yet, and neither is the NoMad. So get there while the getting’s good. Just don’t forget to buy me a drink.

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Kate Moss: The gold standard in everything. 

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Field Trip: “Getting Burned by Iceage” on The Style Con

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The following is an excerpt of my piece on Danish punk band Iceage, as featured on The Style Con:

All the cool kids are here. The kids who think they’re cool are at the Lou Doillon show, wearing their $400 haircuts and denim jackets, Instagramming pictures of Doillon’s 38’’ inseam along with comments like “#goosebumps” and “Ooh LaLa!” Right now, they’re eyeing each other over, standing in heels, ranking themselves in a falsely perceived hierarchy of what matters. But as I cross the threshold of the Acheron, a black-walled room in Bushwick with no circulating air, I pass the handwritten sign screaming “THIS IS NOT A CMJ EVENT” and I know that yes, this is definitely the place.

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Field Trip: RAFAEL DE CÁRDENAS + NORDSTROM on V MAGAZINE

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The following is an excerpt of my interview with Rafael de Cardenas on his collaboration with Nordstrom, featured in V Magazine:

Stepping into a Rafael de Cárdenas-designed space is like stumbling into a parallel, postmodernist universe, where the standard perception of a room is challenged, stretched past its normal limitations. With an intense palate of colors and an oft-dizzying array of patterns, Cárdenas, founder of the New York design agency Rafael de Cárdenas Ltd. / Architecture at Large, creates an explosive 3-dimensional experience by cutting up and dividing surfaces in ways that make them wholly new.

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Field Trip: “How to Not Talk to Girls” on Lady Clever

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The following is an excerpt from an article featured on Lady Clever:

“You seem like a person I shouldn’t leave my pets with, like, over the weekend. That’s just the vibe you’re putting off.”

I knew I shouldn’t have come out tonight. You know when you’re dog-tired and no amount of music or booze is going to resuscitate you? That any attempt at socializing is just going to be like beating a dead horse, only you’re both the flogger and the horse, and the poor person watching you just has to stand there and try to make sense of the whole mess? Well that’s what tonight is. And now I’m standing next to Negger #1, listening to his misguided appraisal of me as a non-maternal cat killer.

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Field Trip: “A Man. A Mustache. A Mantra” on Harry’s Five O’Clock Mag

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The following is an excerpt from my ongoing series for Harry’s Five O’Clock Magazine:

Robert Louis Stevenson was a Scottish author, poet, essayist, and overall writerly gent with a look that teetered between rail-thin rock star and elegant cowboy. He produced such epic works as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and the kid-friendly adventure story Treasure Island.

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Field Trip: CMJ Coverage, Day 2 on VMAN

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The following is coverage from Day 2 of NYC’s CMJ, featured on VMAN.

Yesterday marked the second day of the CMJ Music Marathon and the performances continued to impress.

Lou Doillon drew an expectedly large crowd to the Highland Ballroom, where she crooned with that famously husky, mournful voice, singing songs about cheating men and jealousy. But it wasn’t all doom and gloom. Doillon, charming as ever and clutching a coffee cup, entertained the room between songs with requests for “snogging” and dedications to her mother, Jane Birkin.

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Field Trip: CMJ Coverage, Day 1 on VMAN

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The following is an excerpt from my article covering CMJ, featured on VMAN:

Yesterday’s CMJ festivities got off to a weird start last night in front of Piano’s, where crowds huddled around paramedics as they heaved a man onto a stretcher. In broken English, someone said that the man had apparently been “hit with straps” and then pointed towards Banksy’s Ludlow Street installation. Confusing, to say the least…

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Field Trip: A Boy. A Beard. A Blurb.

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The following is an excerpt from my ongoing series, featured on Harry’s Five O’Clock Mag:

With a resume that would be the envy of any Williamsburg hipster, Englishman William Morris (1834-1896) counted writer, artist, and textile designer amongst his many occupations. His literary pursuits helped establish the modern fantasy genre, laying the groundwork for authors like J.R.R. Tolkien and his world of Middle-earth mearas. Were Morris around today, he might well have been be a fan of Renaissance Faires, Dungeons & Dragons, and the much-beloved ‘90s computer game, Myst. 

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Field Trip: “Ask a Lady” on Harry’s Five O’Clock Mag

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The following is an excerpt from my latest “Ask a Lady” column in Harry’s Five O’Clock Magazine:

So you’re meeting a girl for a blind date. You’ve heard amazing things about her. Good job, nice family, speaks five languages, can cook a mean omelet… she even has an active HBO GO password that isn’t being poached by all her friends. You open the door to the restaurant, only to come face-to-face with the woman in question, wearing the fashion equivalent of Lady Gaga’s meat dress. BAM! Suddenly, all possibilities vanish in an instant, because meat dresses, as one might imagine, are kind of a deal-breaker.

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Field Trip: Lena Dunham + Vogue on The Style Con

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Take a trip to The Style Con for this piece from last week. Excerpt below:

In another episode of “Why the F*&k Do We Care?” we bring you the latest “hot” story burning up the blogosphere: Anna Wintour is reportedly courting GIRLS creator Lena Dunham for an upcoming cover of Vogue, allegedly in the hopes of bringing her plaid-wearing, Brooklyn-living, bingo-winged fans into high fashion fold. Until Balmain leather sweatpants retail for $55 at the local Urban Outfitters, we wish you good luck, Anna.

This non-news news has turned the fashion world asunder, leaving it gasping and cheering in equal measure, with headlines like “Is Lena Dunham Worthy of a Vogue Cover?” and “Lena Dunham Vogue Cover in the Works? Here are 7 Reasons We Hope The Rumors Are True.” Like Natalie Portman’s croisé devant-crazed mother in Black Swan, the passionate involvement here seems, to be honest, slightly bizarre. Though the support claims to be positive, the excitement we’re seeing is anything but.

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